Sunday, April 02, 2006

Short Peoples Anonymous

I get my Short Peoples' Anonymous ID card today. It should be arriving in my mail any minute now. I can't wait.

Anyways, if you didn't know already, the SPA is for all sorts of short peoples - mostly hobbits and dwarves. It's where people make it easier for those of us lacking in height, especially from those tasteless midget and rabbit jokes. Anyways, I gave my best smile for my ID picture.


Let's just say it could've been worse.

Still no letter from Uncle Bilbo.

Thursday, February 09, 2006


Sam was really excited today when we noticed something growing in his front yard.

"Look Mr. Frodo! Me daffodils are sproutin!'" He pointed to a few little stubs of green poking out of the grass.

"Oh, that's nice."

"And pretty soon me tulips are comin up too! I planted one here, here, here, here, and here." He pointed to various spots on the ground. "I know exactly where they are, because I've made me a plantin' chart."

"Oh, really?"

"I'll be able to cut them an' sell em' off at the market!"

"How wonderful." Sam's the only person I know who can make such a big deal out of flowers.

"An' I can use the money to get me a rabbit!"

"A what?"

"Yeh heard me. I'm gettin a pet rabbit." Funny, I thought Sam hated rabbits. He always made such a big deal out of little teeth marks on his lettuce. And the fact that he was too slow to catch them always put him in a bad mood.

"Sam, it'll chew up your garden. Have you gone stark mad?"

"I'll keep it under control, I'll get 'im a nice cozy cage."

"All right then, I guess." I went back in. Better not let Merry and Pip know about this. I know they'll find a way to turn this whole thing into some sort of sad joke.

Friday, December 23, 2005


Sam, Merry, Pip and I had a snowball fight yesterday. Or, more likely, started one. Sam and I were on one team, and Merry and Pippin were on the other. Pippin somehow ended up with a nosebleed. And we were just finishing up our snow forts, too.

"I have to go home."

"Oh come on, what's a nosebleed when we're about to start throwing snowballs at each other?" Merry asked.

"I seriously think I should go home. It may be serious." He said in a muffled voice. I could tell he was going to dye his mittens red. He left the snow fort and started home. "My cousin had a friend who had a nosebleed that nearly killed him."

"Is this the same cousin with a friend who met an oliphaunt?" I asked.

"And found a cockroach the size of a crow?" Sam added.

"Shut up." he said back.

"Bye Pip!" Merry yelled to him, "And ask that friend of your cousin's how he's doing for me!" He didn't answer.

Well Merry didn't want to play two on one, and neither Sam and I did, either, so it ended up being a big waste of time. We all ended up going home in a foul mood.

Nosebleeds are no fun for anyone.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Elves are stupid.

It's been a while since I last posted. Yeah, Sam got out of the woods. He was pretty angry, and is now afraid whenever we go near the woods. Whenever Merry, Pip and I decide to go play in the Old Forest, he'd quickly pretend like he needs to tend his garden. How do I know he's pretending? It's winter for crying out loud! But we never say anything about that.

What's new? Nothing. Bilbo's been gone for three months now. I was sure he'd come back, but I suppose he's with the elves now. He hasn't even written back. Pip says he once had a cousin who was enchanted by the elves and no one's heard from him since. It's probably made-up, like his little imaginary friend "Scorpius," but it's possible, just the same.

The Sackvilles want to establish some kind of contract, to see if they can get their grubby hands on some of Bilbo's old stuff. They want to meet with me this afternoon about it.

I'll be in the garden, helping Sam.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

It's just a game...

Sometimes, Merry and I would dare each other to go into the Old Forest. We'd always find our way out sooner or later, but that's only because neither of us would go in very deep. Today, Sam joined us for the first time.

"I dunno, I've heard some pretty bad rumors bout this place."

"Sam, that's silly. We always find our way out."

"Well... alright. But just how deep am I 'sposed to go in?"

"You walk for five minutes." Merry grinned. I looked at him like he was crazy. Five minutes is probably enough to get one hopelessly lost. I should've said something right there, but something held me back.

"Alright then. Here goes." Sam took a deep breath. and marched in and we waited.

And waited.

We had waited for around four hours, and it was getting dark. We couldn't go in, in case both of us got lost too, so we just sat there hoping that nothing bad had happened to him - there rumors about how the trees can move about and squash one flat. I hope he finds his way out soon.